My first day as a Trainee Analyst Programmer dawned sunny and bright.

I walked through the park on my way to the office and daydreamed about eating lunch under the shade of the trees with my new colleagues.

As I rode up in the lift, I felt excitement, nerves and bravado.

As I walked the length of the office, I didn't even notice that I was the only woman there. It wouldn’t have phased me if I had – I was used to being the only woman in the room after two degrees in Economics and advanced studies in Computer Science!

And then I was introduced to Paul. My Team Leader. The man who would be responsible for my training, well-being and future. He wore a dark grey suit. He was dishevelled. And had the unhealthy pallor of a long-term chain smoker. Old before his time.

Paul was scowling. My nervousness switched up a gear. He greeted me: 

‘You can ask me a question once, and I will give you the answer. If you ask me again, I will give you the answer, but I won’t be very nice to you. If you ask me a third time, I will be a complete bastard.’

I thought he was joking but his continued scowl made it clear that he meant it as he left for his umpteenth cigarette of the morning.

Once he was out of sight, a few people came over to welcome me and share their wisdom: stay out of Paul’s way as much as possible. 

I was devastated, scared, shaking.

That day set the tone for the next 18 months. I cried most days. I hated my job.  I knew that I was never going to learn properly or progress at that firm. 

After 18 months of a 2-year training programme - I decided enough was enough. I knew there were better environments for me to work and learn. And I was right. In my next job, I doubled my salary working with a charming, collegiate and caring IT team.

But that initial experience has stayed with me ever since.

I swore to myself when I told Paul I was leaving, that I would never allow anyone working with me or for me EVER to feel the way I had felt; and I would never allow anyone to make me feel that way again.

Nobody learns effectively or works productively; no one can be creative, imaginative or a change maker if they are made to feel as I was - like they are worthless.

Over the years, those promises have been my personal mantra and my passion. They’ve guided me on my journey to becoming an impactful leader as a project and programme manager and then as an Operations Director.

And now, with ShiftLeft, they inform my work - empowering women to succeed in this environment and to change it!